I have spent some of my afternoon in the community cafe, having lunch then reading for a while. I put down my book while I drank some of my tea, I also decided to check my phone. I replied to a text from hubby and then somehow found myself perusing guitars on Amazon (one of which I added to my wishlist).
I very briefly played the guitar when I was 8 or 9 at primary school, it was only very basic lessons that I gave up when my friends did, but it is always something that I have regretted. I have often thought about taking it up again, but life always got in the way.
The thought of playing again came to me as I was getting changed in the gym this morning when I heard a lovely song on my headphones that I haven’t heard for a while, I was thinking how much I would love to be able to play that, the thought quickly vanished as I showered and resurfaced while I sat looking at my phone this afternoon.
This then triggered another thought, “how many hobbies have I gone through since this depression set in?”.
As I have stated before, I find it very hard to be at home on my own, my thoughts and worries drive me mad, so it seems I have tried to fill that void with hobbies.
Firstly there was knitting. I have a few half finished projects around the house, who knows, I might even finish one before this winter!
Then came the gym. Now I still go to the gym, but I do not spend as many hours as I did watching gym videos on YouTube or trying to read every fitness article I can find online,
Loombands were the next thing I messed around with, bought loads of bands and boards, I actually made some pretty cool bracelets, but it soon lost it’s charm.
I looked into doing beauty courses, nail technician courses, psychology courses all of which I heavily researched, but never did.
I began this blog and shortly after my YouTube channel, both of these are still going very well even after a few months, longer than anything else. And now I am seriously thinking of trying to fit in the guitar as well.
All of these things have filled time and stopped me from letting my mind take over no matter how long I kept doing them, so I guess they have all played their part in helping me cope. Either that, or I have found a load of ways of avoiding my issues.
And as I have been writing this blog, something else has occurred to me, as I have started each of these projects, somewhere in my mind has been the thought that I can make money with said project. I have had grand ideas selling loads of knitted items, running a gym and a beauty/nail salon and I thought the course I looked at would lead me to a good income. Seeing as I have monetised my blog and YouTube channel as well, it seems I have desires to make money here too.
So now I am thinking “am I obsessed with hobbies or am I obsessed with making money?”
Maybe I am trying to compensate for my depression and how it effects my family by trying to make a good living and extra income so I can spoil them for being supportive or maybe I am just greedy, when I figure that out I will let you know.
Well this blog certainly ended in a different way to my original plan, I now have more to think about.
Take care everyone.