The last few weeks have been very odd for me. Our family dynamics have changed a little and I am trying to get used to that. At the same time, it is the summer holidays and I am trying to make sure everyone has a good summer. This has got me thinking, is it time to relax a little and stop worrying about everything so much?
Nothing really terrible has happened, it’s just a few little things that all seem to be going on at once. Isn’t it funny how the little things drive us more insane than one big thing!
Ben Bob is staying with his dad at the moment. We don’t know if this is going to be permanent or not yet. Things were getting very stressful with him at home. Ben Bob has special needs. Although he is 19, he is a very young 19. His problems are long and complicated and I haven’t really talked about it in detail on the blog (I may do one day, but only if he says this is ok). Because of his needs, I have been guilty of letting him get away with behaviour that I wouldn’t do with Booey. Now, I am realising this was a big mistake.
Booey is clever, she noticed this from a young age. I have apologised to her for this and now I treat them the same (although saying this, as booey is always with me she ends up getting taken for cake etc and Ben Bob doesn’t lol!).
Ben Bob is not a bad kid (well man now). He has never been naughty, he was always praised at school for his good behaviour. His problem is that he gets frustrated and it makes him angry. Sometimes I don’t understand what he is telling me or he doesn’t understand me. He also sees things in a black and white way, once he sees a situation one way that is the way it has to be.
Needless to say, they have been many arguments in the house. It is literally like talking to a brick wall, his opinion will not change no matter how rationally you explain it to him. Booey has also been clashing with him a lot. When he is bored he will try to annoy her no matter how much I tell him not too! It all came to a head 3 weeks ago and he decided to stay with his dad. I miss him like crazy, but at the same time we are all more relaxed.
Hubby keeps telling me that I have dont the right thing for all of us letting him go, but I cannot help but worry whether I have or not. Everyone is happy and I still see lots of Ben Bob. I need to listen to hubby and relax. The situation is what it is.
Our financial situation has also changed. Hubby got a pay rise which has meant a stop to some benefits we were getting. We have enough to get by, but there has been a time of adjustment. We are also trying to save for a deposit for a house so that we can get out of renting. Renting is financially killing us. We seem to be working our butts off but not really getting anywhere and it is hard not to get despondent about it.
Also, I am currently being weaned off of antidepressants. Another week or so and I will be off them completely. This is really good. But worry wart me is thinking about how well I will cope, what if I end up back in a bad place?
As I led in bed after hubby went off to work this morning, all of this was tumbling around in my head. Then I heard Booey and her friend laughing in her room (they had a sleepover last night). Hearing them laugh with no concern for anything except the fun they were having hit me like a bolt of lightning. Yes, things are a bit all over the place, but we are happy. We are happy! I literally sat there and laughed at myself. I am here worrying about things that are (mostly) under control instead of enjoying my life.
So, from now on, I am going to try to relax about life more. I am finally smiling again after a crappy year, I need to enjoy it! I am going to start by having a nice cuppa and sitting back and enjoying a sunny afternoon.
Take care everyone.